When God calls my name
It really isn't the same
as when I decide my road
I put myself on overload
Yea tho' I walk throught the valley of the shadow of death...I will not fear the bats that circle nor the mice that intrude my home. For thou art with me O' God and the dark will not trouble me...so long as I put my trust in you..... My paraphrase of Psalms 23 as it applies to me right now!
Fear runs to and fro' within my heart as I contemplate the road that has been set before me. To return to my old home and take up responsibilities I had thought to be long past. A time in my life when fear rocked my very world and the role of caretaker was mine. Memories of sitting on the floor calling out my Mothers name, trying to get her to give me some sign that she was still here.
My Mother is a brittle diabetic. She survived pancreatic cancer nearly sixteen years ago and it has left her without most of her insides and a severe diabetic. Her blood sugars rise and fall at their own whim and we are at their mercy.
My parents sold their home as it had become too much to take care of. In their aging years a farm has many chores, mouths to feed and a house falling down around us. I remember all too well lying awake at night listening for any break in her uneven breathing. Waiting to hear her crash to the floor at any moment while the other ear listened to the bats outside my window and wondering if they might, once again, find their way into our home.
The rodents that found their way into our home on a regular basis were the least of my worries. The inevitable noise would wake me and my role of care-taker changed to that of frantic paramedic with little or no training. Trying to revive my Mother as she lay, once again, motionless wherever she had lost consciousness. Minutes drag by as my attempts to bring her blood sugar back up to normal levels and to regain her conscious mind. Never knowing if this is to be her last breath and I am the one to witness it.
Waiting desperately for the sounds of sirens piercing the night and for the welcome face of Mary or Rita to take this role from me once again. Going back home brings with it much peace and joy. Yet at the same time the quickened beat of my heart reminds me that I am the chosen one to care for my ailing parents.
While my siblings help in any way they can, I know that the role rests on me. To give my parents the peace and joy of spending their last days on this earth in the home they love is the least I can do for them. God never hands us a task that cannot be handled. We must simply remember that this task can ONLY be handled when I say "God, I can't do this alone".
God does not expect me to walk this path alone. He has provided friends and a support system to take care of me while I take care of my parents. My family, my friends and best of all, God is here. It is in that time that He carries me. There are only one set of footsteps in my sand right now, and those are the footsteps of God carrying me, and carrying my parents. I am not alone. I know this. And I thank God for that!
(c)copryight 2010 danni
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Whats all that easter stuff about..
As the days of preparation wind to a close
What God has planned no one really knows
And the dressed Him up in purple and after weaving a crown of thorns, they put it on Him. And they began to proclaim Him, "Hail, King of the Jews"!
Mark 15:16-17
The days of frantic preparation are about over and the story of Jesus death on the cross about to unfold before this audience called our small town. Easter eggs are popping up all around us and the Easter bunny has proclaimed his place on the shelves of our stores.
How many will rejoice in the eggs and chocolate and miss the death of Jesus. How many will hunt for easter eggs only to miss out on the true meaning of this holiday? May we not miss the story, that is so important before us. The fun of egg hunts and seeking out chocolate or other goodies within a plastic egg can be fun and entertaining for an afternoon. Yet, may the beauty of the resurrection of Jesus Christ be the memory that stays with us when the candy is goone, and the fake grass fades and the real blades turn to green beneath our feet.
As the story unfolds before us of the arrest, crucifixion and ultimate glory that this story brings. May we remember the easter bunny for a moment and remember that Jesus died on a cross to save you and I from our sins, and that He rose again! As no other God or figure head has ever done in history. May this be the story that stays with us throughout the years and makes all of this hustle and bustle worthwhile.
We are His Passion! May we never forget that this story came about because He loved us and wanted us with HIM!
(c)copright 2010 danni
What God has planned no one really knows
And the dressed Him up in purple and after weaving a crown of thorns, they put it on Him. And they began to proclaim Him, "Hail, King of the Jews"!
Mark 15:16-17
The days of frantic preparation are about over and the story of Jesus death on the cross about to unfold before this audience called our small town. Easter eggs are popping up all around us and the Easter bunny has proclaimed his place on the shelves of our stores.
How many will rejoice in the eggs and chocolate and miss the death of Jesus. How many will hunt for easter eggs only to miss out on the true meaning of this holiday? May we not miss the story, that is so important before us. The fun of egg hunts and seeking out chocolate or other goodies within a plastic egg can be fun and entertaining for an afternoon. Yet, may the beauty of the resurrection of Jesus Christ be the memory that stays with us when the candy is goone, and the fake grass fades and the real blades turn to green beneath our feet.
As the story unfolds before us of the arrest, crucifixion and ultimate glory that this story brings. May we remember the easter bunny for a moment and remember that Jesus died on a cross to save you and I from our sins, and that He rose again! As no other God or figure head has ever done in history. May this be the story that stays with us throughout the years and makes all of this hustle and bustle worthwhile.
We are His Passion! May we never forget that this story came about because He loved us and wanted us with HIM!
(c)copright 2010 danni
I am a Martha...
I am a Martha ...
and I need to be a Mary
But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up {to Him} and said, "Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me." But the Lord answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; Luke 10:40-41
Now that Passion Play is over and I have a bit more time on my hands I have a whole list of things I want to do. My house is a wreck and it's going to make me crazy until I get it in order again. I want to get some writing done and I want t get my brushes out and paint! But, I can't! I guess I am going to be forced to slow down a bit and quit rushing around so much.
I think I get busy, get ahead of myself and my feet go out from under me. Literally! Yup, I fell again. It makes me so upset when I fall but it forces me to back up, slow down and focus on what is most important. It's not my to-do list or things I need to do or places I need to go. It's sitting here quietly, spending time with God and really reflecting on Him. I can get so caught up in what I need to do.....that I forget what I need to do!
I have taken this afternoon and simply stayed quiet. Praying some, sleeping allot and reflecting on the week that has just passed. It is not about how good the costumes looked or how many lines were remembered on cue. It's about how many people were touched by Jesus and gave thier hearts to HIM! I am a Martha, God made me the way I am. Bossy, controlling, and completely anal about housework, details and making sure things get done in a timely manner. But, part of me is also a Mary. Trying to remember that sitting at the feet of Jesus needs to be done, even if I haven't fallen and sprained my knee in the process. Reminding myself that Martha and Mary both have their place in this world, and it's all about finding that balance between them!
(c)copyright 2010 danni andrew
and I need to be a Mary
But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up {to Him} and said, "Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me." But the Lord answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; Luke 10:40-41
Now that Passion Play is over and I have a bit more time on my hands I have a whole list of things I want to do. My house is a wreck and it's going to make me crazy until I get it in order again. I want to get some writing done and I want t get my brushes out and paint! But, I can't! I guess I am going to be forced to slow down a bit and quit rushing around so much.
I think I get busy, get ahead of myself and my feet go out from under me. Literally! Yup, I fell again. It makes me so upset when I fall but it forces me to back up, slow down and focus on what is most important. It's not my to-do list or things I need to do or places I need to go. It's sitting here quietly, spending time with God and really reflecting on Him. I can get so caught up in what I need to do.....that I forget what I need to do!
I have taken this afternoon and simply stayed quiet. Praying some, sleeping allot and reflecting on the week that has just passed. It is not about how good the costumes looked or how many lines were remembered on cue. It's about how many people were touched by Jesus and gave thier hearts to HIM! I am a Martha, God made me the way I am. Bossy, controlling, and completely anal about housework, details and making sure things get done in a timely manner. But, part of me is also a Mary. Trying to remember that sitting at the feet of Jesus needs to be done, even if I haven't fallen and sprained my knee in the process. Reminding myself that Martha and Mary both have their place in this world, and it's all about finding that balance between them!
(c)copyright 2010 danni andrew
God will answer your prayers...
God will answer your prayers,
beyond your wildest dreams,
and in a way you never thought possible!
Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalms 37:4
As a writer I tend to exercise my wild imagination pretty frequently. I could write novels, I just choose to write non-fiction. My idea of the best thing God could possibly do for me is kind of like shopping at a dollar store when God has far bigger plans.
I look around my small world and imagine what could be if God just saw things my way. God looks around His great big world and see's things the way they really are! God's way of seeing things is on a far grander scale than anything I could imagine. It's kind of like shopping for a car and buying a Yugo when God would have given you a Camaro if you just let Him do the looking for you. When you look at life through God's glasses the possibilities are infinite. What He wants for you is so much better than anything you could possibly come up with on your own, that to actually look around and try to make a decision is simply .... crazy!
Without letting God have His input that is. Any decision made without God is a decision that should not be made. When I seek His face and really try to listen to what God has to say, I mean really listen! That is when things work out and my life run's so much smoother. Your life can be small and insignificant or it can be beyond your wildest dreams, and in a way you never thought possible!
What God has planned for you is simply amazing. Don't settle! See what God has planned for you and it will blow your mind!
(c)copyright 2010 danni
beyond your wildest dreams,
and in a way you never thought possible!
Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalms 37:4
As a writer I tend to exercise my wild imagination pretty frequently. I could write novels, I just choose to write non-fiction. My idea of the best thing God could possibly do for me is kind of like shopping at a dollar store when God has far bigger plans.
I look around my small world and imagine what could be if God just saw things my way. God looks around His great big world and see's things the way they really are! God's way of seeing things is on a far grander scale than anything I could imagine. It's kind of like shopping for a car and buying a Yugo when God would have given you a Camaro if you just let Him do the looking for you. When you look at life through God's glasses the possibilities are infinite. What He wants for you is so much better than anything you could possibly come up with on your own, that to actually look around and try to make a decision is simply .... crazy!
Without letting God have His input that is. Any decision made without God is a decision that should not be made. When I seek His face and really try to listen to what God has to say, I mean really listen! That is when things work out and my life run's so much smoother. Your life can be small and insignificant or it can be beyond your wildest dreams, and in a way you never thought possible!
What God has planned for you is simply amazing. Don't settle! See what God has planned for you and it will blow your mind!
(c)copyright 2010 danni
If it does't come from God...
If it doesn't come from God throw it out!
That is what making decisions is about
Your ears will hear a word behind you, "This is the way, walk in it," whenever you turn to the right or to the left. Isaiah 30:21
I have a friend who has come back into my life recently. She manages to send me an email once in awhile and that email is invariably what I need to hear at the time. My struggle to make sense of what God has set before me has brought me many questions.
What should I do next? What should I think of that? Where should I go from here? The only answer I have really come up with is ... "If it doesn't come from God, throw it out"! I know what God has laid before me as far as what I should be doing with my life. That is very clear. My writing, painting and my work with Passion Play are truly from God. The rest of it will get worked out and God will let me know when it is time for me to know. These are called details! Leave the details to God.
My life is on a course and it is up to me to listen to what God has to say. To turn left when he says to turn left and to turn right when he says to turn right. And most of all, to stay on the course no matter what! When it's God's course the destination is always going to be an awesome one. There is an old saying that Life is a journey, not a destination. That is true with God to. If you hurry up and try to find out how the ending is, you will miss the beauty along the way.
So, slow down, look around you and really see what God is doing. If you don't, you will miss the best part! We know where the journey will end. Getting there is half the fun.
(c)copyright 2010 danni
That is what making decisions is about
Your ears will hear a word behind you, "This is the way, walk in it," whenever you turn to the right or to the left. Isaiah 30:21
I have a friend who has come back into my life recently. She manages to send me an email once in awhile and that email is invariably what I need to hear at the time. My struggle to make sense of what God has set before me has brought me many questions.
What should I do next? What should I think of that? Where should I go from here? The only answer I have really come up with is ... "If it doesn't come from God, throw it out"! I know what God has laid before me as far as what I should be doing with my life. That is very clear. My writing, painting and my work with Passion Play are truly from God. The rest of it will get worked out and God will let me know when it is time for me to know. These are called details! Leave the details to God.
My life is on a course and it is up to me to listen to what God has to say. To turn left when he says to turn left and to turn right when he says to turn right. And most of all, to stay on the course no matter what! When it's God's course the destination is always going to be an awesome one. There is an old saying that Life is a journey, not a destination. That is true with God to. If you hurry up and try to find out how the ending is, you will miss the beauty along the way.
So, slow down, look around you and really see what God is doing. If you don't, you will miss the best part! We know where the journey will end. Getting there is half the fun.
(c)copyright 2010 danni
When God doesn't make sense...
When God doesn't make sense
I need to get off the fence
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Just when I think I have God figured out He changes things on me. I think I know what he is going to do... And boom, he does something else? I sit here and shake my head and wonder what is God up to today? I really don't kow! But, I do know one thing. God stays steady even when I can't make up my mind. I think I want one thing, then something happens and I think, "well maybe I really didn't want that after all"!
In reality, God didn't change his mind, I changed mine. When I focus on what God has planned for me and quit trying to put my two cents worth in, is when things really begin to work out. God knows all along what he wants to do and it really has very little to do with my thoughts. It's not that God doesn't care what I think. He does. But he has such a better plan than mine that I really can't try to even make plans because if I really listen to God and focus on His best for my life, then my plans are not the point anyway.
Go with the flow. God's flow! Only God knows what is best and I am his servant anyway. And that is really where I want to be!
(c)copyright 2010 danni
I need to get off the fence
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Just when I think I have God figured out He changes things on me. I think I know what he is going to do... And boom, he does something else? I sit here and shake my head and wonder what is God up to today? I really don't kow! But, I do know one thing. God stays steady even when I can't make up my mind. I think I want one thing, then something happens and I think, "well maybe I really didn't want that after all"!
In reality, God didn't change his mind, I changed mine. When I focus on what God has planned for me and quit trying to put my two cents worth in, is when things really begin to work out. God knows all along what he wants to do and it really has very little to do with my thoughts. It's not that God doesn't care what I think. He does. But he has such a better plan than mine that I really can't try to even make plans because if I really listen to God and focus on His best for my life, then my plans are not the point anyway.
Go with the flow. God's flow! Only God knows what is best and I am his servant anyway. And that is really where I want to be!
(c)copyright 2010 danni
Tossed by the wind...
It is as though it were tossed to the wind...
Never to show it's ugly face again
Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. James 5:16
Have you ever regretted something you have done? Have you ever wished you could take back a word you said or a love lost? Sometimes you can and sometimes you just can't! But, any time, you can ask God to forgive you. He is right there, ready and willing to forgive you. I have one such friend. It was someone I loved very much and I hurt that friend, I know I did. That was close to thirty years ago. I don't know where this person is and my contact with him has been broken. I can't call him up and say, "Hey, I am so sorry, please forgive me"!
And even if I could my friend may not want to forgive me. And that decision is between he and God. But, I can get on my knee's and put my own regrets before God. I can ask forgiveness. This is not something to be taken lightly. God knows my heart, He knows that if I could do it over again I would. I would do things different.
True forgiveness comes from your own heart. If you are truly sorry for something you have done, go ask God to forgive you. Place that hurt at the foot of the cross and let it go. That doesn't mean it's like it never happened. It means you have been forgiven. We learn from our mistakes and try our best not to make them again.
So to my friend, somewhere out there on the roads of life. I am truly sorry I hurt you. I pray that God heals your heart and if you are still angry at me, well, that's ok. I really don't blame you. I know God has forgiven me. And if it's any consulation. I learned from it!
(c)copyright 2010 danni
Never to show it's ugly face again
Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. James 5:16
Have you ever regretted something you have done? Have you ever wished you could take back a word you said or a love lost? Sometimes you can and sometimes you just can't! But, any time, you can ask God to forgive you. He is right there, ready and willing to forgive you. I have one such friend. It was someone I loved very much and I hurt that friend, I know I did. That was close to thirty years ago. I don't know where this person is and my contact with him has been broken. I can't call him up and say, "Hey, I am so sorry, please forgive me"!
And even if I could my friend may not want to forgive me. And that decision is between he and God. But, I can get on my knee's and put my own regrets before God. I can ask forgiveness. This is not something to be taken lightly. God knows my heart, He knows that if I could do it over again I would. I would do things different.
True forgiveness comes from your own heart. If you are truly sorry for something you have done, go ask God to forgive you. Place that hurt at the foot of the cross and let it go. That doesn't mean it's like it never happened. It means you have been forgiven. We learn from our mistakes and try our best not to make them again.
So to my friend, somewhere out there on the roads of life. I am truly sorry I hurt you. I pray that God heals your heart and if you are still angry at me, well, that's ok. I really don't blame you. I know God has forgiven me. And if it's any consulation. I learned from it!
(c)copyright 2010 danni
You never know...
You never know what God is going to do
You just know that He is thinking of you
It's in the morning sunrise that starts the day
It's in the Bible and every word I pray
God is thinking of me and holding my hand
My life is best when it's at His command
To sit back and watch what He's doing today
Blows my mind I really have to say
God has a plan and I don't know what it may be
I just know that I really can't wait to see
What He comes up with next will be a blast
And that is all I can really hope to ask
(c)copyright 2010 danni
You just know that He is thinking of you
It's in the morning sunrise that starts the day
It's in the Bible and every word I pray
God is thinking of me and holding my hand
My life is best when it's at His command
To sit back and watch what He's doing today
Blows my mind I really have to say
God has a plan and I don't know what it may be
I just know that I really can't wait to see
What He comes up with next will be a blast
And that is all I can really hope to ask
(c)copyright 2010 danni
I woke up afraid
This morning I woke up afraid
It was God who came to my aid
This morning I woke up sad
God touched me and made me glad
This morning I woke up in a bad mood
God's love has made me feel good
God picks me up when I am down
He chases away my frown
When you get up on the wrong side
Remember God's love is where you hide
When life puts you in a sad place
Happiness is found in God's face
(c)copyright danni
It was God who came to my aid
This morning I woke up sad
God touched me and made me glad
This morning I woke up in a bad mood
God's love has made me feel good
God picks me up when I am down
He chases away my frown
When you get up on the wrong side
Remember God's love is where you hide
When life puts you in a sad place
Happiness is found in God's face
(c)copyright danni
sometimes I do...
I Just wanted to let you know!
I don't always know what is best...but sometimes I do
I don't always do what is right...but sometimes I do
I don't always say the right words...but sometimes I do
I don't always listen when I should...but I try to
I don't always hear what is said...but I try to
Sometimes I get busy...but I'll always love you
Sometimes I try too hard...but it's because I love you
Sometimes I don't try enough...but it's not because I don't love you
When I listen I don't always hear...but I'll always love you
I don't always say the words...but I will always love you
I will always love you and sometimes I tell you
I will always need you and sometimes I let you know
I will always love you...I just wanted to let you know
(c)copyright 2010 danni
I don't always know what is best...but sometimes I do
I don't always do what is right...but sometimes I do
I don't always say the right words...but sometimes I do
I don't always listen when I should...but I try to
I don't always hear what is said...but I try to
Sometimes I get busy...but I'll always love you
Sometimes I try too hard...but it's because I love you
Sometimes I don't try enough...but it's not because I don't love you
When I listen I don't always hear...but I'll always love you
I don't always say the words...but I will always love you
I will always love you and sometimes I tell you
I will always need you and sometimes I let you know
I will always love you...I just wanted to let you know
(c)copyright 2010 danni
You never know what God is going to do
You just know that He is thinking of you
It's in the morning sunrise that starts the day
It's in the Bible and every word I pray
God is thinking of me and holding my hand
My life is best when it's at His command
To sit back and watch what He's doing today
Blows my mind I really have to say
God has a plan and I don't know what it may be
I just know that I really can't wait to see
What He comes up with next will be a blast
And that is all I can really hope to ask
(c)copyright 2010 danni andrew
You just know that He is thinking of you
It's in the morning sunrise that starts the day
It's in the Bible and every word I pray
God is thinking of me and holding my hand
My life is best when it's at His command
To sit back and watch what He's doing today
Blows my mind I really have to say
God has a plan and I don't know what it may be
I just know that I really can't wait to see
What He comes up with next will be a blast
And that is all I can really hope to ask
(c)copyright 2010 danni andrew
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
When God calls my name
It really isn't the same
as when I decide my road
I put myself on overload
Yea tho' I walk throught the valley of the shadow of death...I will not fear the bats that circle nor the mice that intrude my home. For thou art with me O' God and the dark will not trouble me...so long as I put my trust in you..... My paraphrase of Psalms 23 as it applies to me right now!
Fear runs to and fro' within my heart as I contemplate the road that has been set before me. To return to my old home and take up responsibilities I had thought to be long past. A time in my life when fear rocked my very world and the role of caretaker was mine. Memories of sitting on the floor calling out my Mothers name, trying to get her to give me some sign that she was still here.
My Mother is a brittle diabetic. She survived pancreatic cancer nearly sixteen years ago and it has left her without most of her insides and a severe diabetic. Her blood sugars rise and fall at their own whim and we are at their mercy. My parents sold their home as it had become too much to take care of.
In their aging years a farm has many chores, mouths to feed and a house falling down around us. I remember all too well lying awake at night listening for any break in her uneven breathing. Waiting to hear her crash to the floor at any moment while the other ear listened to the bats outside my window and wondering if they might, once again, find their way into our home. The rodents that found their way into our home on a regular basis were the least of my worries.
The inevitable noise would wake me and my role of care-taker changed to that of frantic paramedic with little or no training. Trying to revive my Mother as she lay, once again, motionless wherever she had lost consciousness. Minutes drag by as my attempts to bring her blood sugar back up to normal levels and to regain her conscious mind. Never knowing if this is to be her last breath and I am the one to witness it. Waiting desperately for the sounds of sirens piercing the night and for the welcome face of Mary or Rita to take this role from me once again.
Going back home brings with it much peace and joy. Yet at the same time the quickened beat of my heart reminds me that I am the chosen one to care for my ailing parents. While my siblings help in any way they can, I know that the role rests on me. To give my parents the peace and joy of spending their last days on this earth in the home they love is the least I can do for them.
God never hands us a task that cannot be handled. We must simply remember that this task can ONLY be handled when I say "God, I can't do this alone". God does not expect me to walk this path alone. He has provided friends and a support system to take care of me while I take care of my parents. My family, my friends and best of all, God is here.
It is in that time that He carries me. There are only one set of footsteps in my sand right now, and those are the footsteps of God carrying me, and carrying my parents. I am not alone. I know this. And I thank God for that!
(c)copryight 2010 danni andrew
It really isn't the same
as when I decide my road
I put myself on overload
Yea tho' I walk throught the valley of the shadow of death...I will not fear the bats that circle nor the mice that intrude my home. For thou art with me O' God and the dark will not trouble me...so long as I put my trust in you..... My paraphrase of Psalms 23 as it applies to me right now!
Fear runs to and fro' within my heart as I contemplate the road that has been set before me. To return to my old home and take up responsibilities I had thought to be long past. A time in my life when fear rocked my very world and the role of caretaker was mine. Memories of sitting on the floor calling out my Mothers name, trying to get her to give me some sign that she was still here.
My Mother is a brittle diabetic. She survived pancreatic cancer nearly sixteen years ago and it has left her without most of her insides and a severe diabetic. Her blood sugars rise and fall at their own whim and we are at their mercy. My parents sold their home as it had become too much to take care of.
In their aging years a farm has many chores, mouths to feed and a house falling down around us. I remember all too well lying awake at night listening for any break in her uneven breathing. Waiting to hear her crash to the floor at any moment while the other ear listened to the bats outside my window and wondering if they might, once again, find their way into our home. The rodents that found their way into our home on a regular basis were the least of my worries.
The inevitable noise would wake me and my role of care-taker changed to that of frantic paramedic with little or no training. Trying to revive my Mother as she lay, once again, motionless wherever she had lost consciousness. Minutes drag by as my attempts to bring her blood sugar back up to normal levels and to regain her conscious mind. Never knowing if this is to be her last breath and I am the one to witness it. Waiting desperately for the sounds of sirens piercing the night and for the welcome face of Mary or Rita to take this role from me once again.
Going back home brings with it much peace and joy. Yet at the same time the quickened beat of my heart reminds me that I am the chosen one to care for my ailing parents. While my siblings help in any way they can, I know that the role rests on me. To give my parents the peace and joy of spending their last days on this earth in the home they love is the least I can do for them.
God never hands us a task that cannot be handled. We must simply remember that this task can ONLY be handled when I say "God, I can't do this alone". God does not expect me to walk this path alone. He has provided friends and a support system to take care of me while I take care of my parents. My family, my friends and best of all, God is here.
It is in that time that He carries me. There are only one set of footsteps in my sand right now, and those are the footsteps of God carrying me, and carrying my parents. I am not alone. I know this. And I thank God for that!
(c)copryight 2010 danni andrew
Only God will last
When God speaks my name, my life will never be the same, when God designs my path, it's the only thing that will really last! (c)dj
Friday, April 2, 2010
Sticks and stones may break my bones...
As the story unfolds on national news about the young girl who killed herself because of bullying from classmates, I am taken to a time very long ago when I was that girl. The girl who wanted to die because it seemed the whole world hated her! Countless comments made by thoughtless children had reduced my self-esteem to a pile of ashes and my self-worth was non-existent!
To recount every word spoken is not possible, as now, many years later the feelings are fading and well, I feel I must protect the guilty. I am certain that eyebrows are raised in wonderment over my need to protect the guilty. Yet, I feel that dragging those years into the limelight would only serve to glorify what was said by school children who could not see the whole picture and did not understand how much their words can hurt. Each of those children who tormented me as a child grew into constructive, and mostly likeable adults.
The tormenting began when I was in the first grade. I was tall for my age, with very crooked teeth, coke bottle thick glasses and stringy hair. We were poor as my Dad had been hurt in a chain-saw accident in 1963 leaving him with a bent and broken hand that no longer allowed him to work like he was used to. My Mom worked two jobs to support our family and was tired most of the time that she WAS home.
Children see things at face value, they rarely think how their careless words might affect another and they say things that seem childish and hurtful. Simply because they ARE childish and hurtful!
I endured seven years of torment at the hands of children who did not know better! To chastise them now and paste their actions all over the internet would serve no purpose and the names of those children will forever grace the pages of my therapists diaries and no other pages will bear their names.
Yet the pain inflicted by these children only served as a daily reminder in my adult life as gospel truth spoken by someone who must have known what they were talking about. I took those words and made them so much a part of my life that I believed every single word of them. When I looked in the mirror I saw ugliness because I had been told over and over how ugly I was. I could not see the pretty face that God had really given me. I could only see the hurt.
Years have passed and the taunts of school-children formed my very identity. Those words affected every area of my life. Every man I dated, proved that they were wrong. The words went through my head even though I probably didn't even like that guy!
Finding old friends on Facebook has brought many of those school-children back into my life. Although the two ring leaders have never surfaced on Facebook, most of the other school-children did! Thirty five years later I sit and look at the pictures and the names smiling back at me. Telling me of lives lived, children born and how they have aged.
It was one such evening that I had a chance to speak to one of my former classmates. A boy who joined in the tormenting from time to time, even though he was not worst. Inside my heart burned and I wanted to scream at him. To tell him how much they had hurt me! How much my life had been affected by the words so carelessly spoken. The words of mean boys and girls are just words. It dawned on me that this man smiling back at me with his gray hair, had no clue that he had anything to do with the many hours of therapy I had gone through. He had no clue that my life had been so affected by the words spoken by careless children.
The realization that I was the only one keeping this story alive blew the wind right out of my anger. It was no longer about THEM, it was about me! The anger, the hate and all those years of hurt came tumbling down. I was the only one keeping this story alive. And it really needed to be put to it's final resting place.
The anger is gone now and I no longer hold a grudge against those smiling faces. My life is what I make it, and in some odd way I might almost be thankful. My life is what it is, and I would not be who I am today without EVERY piece of my life fitting together in a puzzle. It is not to say that I condone such behaviour. I do not, and I do not recommend that anyone read these words and think they are growing character by bullying another child!
Those puzzle pieces may not be what God wants for us to go through, but He is so merciful that if we let Him, He will heal those hurts. He took the pain and showed me that I had hurt myself far more, by letting it get to me for so many years, than the actual words that were said.
Recently I have made contact with another boy from my old life and this story has a very different ring to it. He was the boy I watched walk by every time I saw him. He was my first crush. I thought he was the cutest boy I had ever seen! Now he is a grown man and now, we are friends. I have heard his perspective of how things were back then and how he saw me. He did not see an ugly duckling as I called myself, no, he thought I WAS one of the pretty girls!
This part of my life has come full circle. God has placed those in my path to teach me that my thoughts were skewed. God has shown me how HE see's me. To God, I am one of the pretty girls and the words spoken by thoughtless, school-children hurt God too. Because they hurt me. God thought it necessary to teach me that He did not see me this way. I am not an ugly duckling and the words said to me were not true. Through God's intervention I am healed from that pain.
It is not to say that I won't remember it, and I won't draw on tha experience if I need to. But, most likely it will be to say to some pretty little child that the words others are saying to them are hurtful.....but....they are not true! God does not see you as the child the school kids say you are. God see's you as HIS beautiful creation! Words can never be taken back, but it is up to you to take the knife out of your side and quit digging it deeper. You are the only one needs to let the healing begin.
(c)copyright 2010 danni
To recount every word spoken is not possible, as now, many years later the feelings are fading and well, I feel I must protect the guilty. I am certain that eyebrows are raised in wonderment over my need to protect the guilty. Yet, I feel that dragging those years into the limelight would only serve to glorify what was said by school children who could not see the whole picture and did not understand how much their words can hurt. Each of those children who tormented me as a child grew into constructive, and mostly likeable adults.
The tormenting began when I was in the first grade. I was tall for my age, with very crooked teeth, coke bottle thick glasses and stringy hair. We were poor as my Dad had been hurt in a chain-saw accident in 1963 leaving him with a bent and broken hand that no longer allowed him to work like he was used to. My Mom worked two jobs to support our family and was tired most of the time that she WAS home.
Children see things at face value, they rarely think how their careless words might affect another and they say things that seem childish and hurtful. Simply because they ARE childish and hurtful!
I endured seven years of torment at the hands of children who did not know better! To chastise them now and paste their actions all over the internet would serve no purpose and the names of those children will forever grace the pages of my therapists diaries and no other pages will bear their names.
Yet the pain inflicted by these children only served as a daily reminder in my adult life as gospel truth spoken by someone who must have known what they were talking about. I took those words and made them so much a part of my life that I believed every single word of them. When I looked in the mirror I saw ugliness because I had been told over and over how ugly I was. I could not see the pretty face that God had really given me. I could only see the hurt.
Years have passed and the taunts of school-children formed my very identity. Those words affected every area of my life. Every man I dated, proved that they were wrong. The words went through my head even though I probably didn't even like that guy!
Finding old friends on Facebook has brought many of those school-children back into my life. Although the two ring leaders have never surfaced on Facebook, most of the other school-children did! Thirty five years later I sit and look at the pictures and the names smiling back at me. Telling me of lives lived, children born and how they have aged.
It was one such evening that I had a chance to speak to one of my former classmates. A boy who joined in the tormenting from time to time, even though he was not worst. Inside my heart burned and I wanted to scream at him. To tell him how much they had hurt me! How much my life had been affected by the words so carelessly spoken. The words of mean boys and girls are just words. It dawned on me that this man smiling back at me with his gray hair, had no clue that he had anything to do with the many hours of therapy I had gone through. He had no clue that my life had been so affected by the words spoken by careless children.
The realization that I was the only one keeping this story alive blew the wind right out of my anger. It was no longer about THEM, it was about me! The anger, the hate and all those years of hurt came tumbling down. I was the only one keeping this story alive. And it really needed to be put to it's final resting place.
The anger is gone now and I no longer hold a grudge against those smiling faces. My life is what I make it, and in some odd way I might almost be thankful. My life is what it is, and I would not be who I am today without EVERY piece of my life fitting together in a puzzle. It is not to say that I condone such behaviour. I do not, and I do not recommend that anyone read these words and think they are growing character by bullying another child!
Those puzzle pieces may not be what God wants for us to go through, but He is so merciful that if we let Him, He will heal those hurts. He took the pain and showed me that I had hurt myself far more, by letting it get to me for so many years, than the actual words that were said.
Recently I have made contact with another boy from my old life and this story has a very different ring to it. He was the boy I watched walk by every time I saw him. He was my first crush. I thought he was the cutest boy I had ever seen! Now he is a grown man and now, we are friends. I have heard his perspective of how things were back then and how he saw me. He did not see an ugly duckling as I called myself, no, he thought I WAS one of the pretty girls!
This part of my life has come full circle. God has placed those in my path to teach me that my thoughts were skewed. God has shown me how HE see's me. To God, I am one of the pretty girls and the words spoken by thoughtless, school-children hurt God too. Because they hurt me. God thought it necessary to teach me that He did not see me this way. I am not an ugly duckling and the words said to me were not true. Through God's intervention I am healed from that pain.
It is not to say that I won't remember it, and I won't draw on tha experience if I need to. But, most likely it will be to say to some pretty little child that the words others are saying to them are hurtful.....but....they are not true! God does not see you as the child the school kids say you are. God see's you as HIS beautiful creation! Words can never be taken back, but it is up to you to take the knife out of your side and quit digging it deeper. You are the only one needs to let the healing begin.
(c)copyright 2010 danni
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Eloi, Eloi, Lama, Sabachtani; My God, My God, Why hast thou forsaken me!
As the days of preparation wind to a close
What God has planned no one really knows
And the dressed Him up in purple and after weaving a crown of thorns, they put it on Him. And they began to proclaim Him, "Hail, King of the Jews"! Mark 15:16-17
The days of frantic preparation are about over and the story of Jesus death on the cross about to unfold before this audience called our small town. Easter eggs are popping up all around us and the Easter bunny has proclaimed his place on the shelves of our stores.
How many will rejoice in the eggs and chocolate and miss the death of Jesus. How many will hunt for easter eggs only to miss out on the true meaning of this holiday? May we not miss the story, that is so important before us. The fun of egg hunts and seeking out chocolate or other goodies within a plastic egg can be fun and entertaining for an afternoon. Yet, may the beauty of the resurrection of Jesus Christ be the memory that stays with us when the candy is goone, and the fake grass fades and the real blades turn to green beneath our feet.
As the story unfolds before us of the arrest, crucifixion and ultimate glory that this story brings. May we remember the easter bunny for a moment and remember that Jesus died on a cross to save you and I from our sins, and that He rose again! As no other God or figure head has ever done in history. May this be the story that stays with us throughout the years and makes all of this hustle and bustle worthwhile.
We are His Passion! May we never forget that this story came about because He loved us and wanted us with HIM!
(c)copright 2010 danni
What God has planned no one really knows
And the dressed Him up in purple and after weaving a crown of thorns, they put it on Him. And they began to proclaim Him, "Hail, King of the Jews"! Mark 15:16-17
The days of frantic preparation are about over and the story of Jesus death on the cross about to unfold before this audience called our small town. Easter eggs are popping up all around us and the Easter bunny has proclaimed his place on the shelves of our stores.
How many will rejoice in the eggs and chocolate and miss the death of Jesus. How many will hunt for easter eggs only to miss out on the true meaning of this holiday? May we not miss the story, that is so important before us. The fun of egg hunts and seeking out chocolate or other goodies within a plastic egg can be fun and entertaining for an afternoon. Yet, may the beauty of the resurrection of Jesus Christ be the memory that stays with us when the candy is goone, and the fake grass fades and the real blades turn to green beneath our feet.
As the story unfolds before us of the arrest, crucifixion and ultimate glory that this story brings. May we remember the easter bunny for a moment and remember that Jesus died on a cross to save you and I from our sins, and that He rose again! As no other God or figure head has ever done in history. May this be the story that stays with us throughout the years and makes all of this hustle and bustle worthwhile.
We are His Passion! May we never forget that this story came about because He loved us and wanted us with HIM!
(c)copright 2010 danni
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
When I get stressed and things run together I just need to remember His promises.
O afflicted one, storm tossed, and not comforted. Behold, I will set your stones in antimony, And your foundations I will lay in saphires. Moreover I will make your battlements of rubies, And your gates of Crystal, And your entire wall of precious stones. And all your sons will be taught of the Lord, And the well-being of your sons will be great. Isaiah 54:11-13
Sometimes I forget what God has promised me. He has promised to answer my prayers beyond my wildest dreams and in a way I never thought possible. That reminds me that God has not forgotten me even though I have a tendency to try to get ahead of things. You would think I would learn that lesson soon!
But yah, I may have done it again! I am on such an overload right now that things have a tendency to get ahead of me, forgotten or out of context. No matter how much I try to manage things I have to keep reminding myself that God has a far better plan. That plan is better because it is God's plan. That is all it needs to be a better plan. My plans don't mean much until I let God be God! So I take a deep breath, inhale...exhale!
Step back, look around and slowly start moving forward again. When God says to turn to the right I turn to the right, when God says to turn to the left I turn to the left. When God says to back up and slow down. I need to back up and slow down. God's plan is the best. No matter how good I think my plans are, unless I let God lead they are nothing! Pray! Inhale. Exhale.
Put one foot in front of the other and what God has promised will come to pass!
(c)copyright 2010 danni
O afflicted one, storm tossed, and not comforted. Behold, I will set your stones in antimony, And your foundations I will lay in saphires. Moreover I will make your battlements of rubies, And your gates of Crystal, And your entire wall of precious stones. And all your sons will be taught of the Lord, And the well-being of your sons will be great. Isaiah 54:11-13
Sometimes I forget what God has promised me. He has promised to answer my prayers beyond my wildest dreams and in a way I never thought possible. That reminds me that God has not forgotten me even though I have a tendency to try to get ahead of things. You would think I would learn that lesson soon!
But yah, I may have done it again! I am on such an overload right now that things have a tendency to get ahead of me, forgotten or out of context. No matter how much I try to manage things I have to keep reminding myself that God has a far better plan. That plan is better because it is God's plan. That is all it needs to be a better plan. My plans don't mean much until I let God be God! So I take a deep breath, inhale...exhale!
Step back, look around and slowly start moving forward again. When God says to turn to the right I turn to the right, when God says to turn to the left I turn to the left. When God says to back up and slow down. I need to back up and slow down. God's plan is the best. No matter how good I think my plans are, unless I let God lead they are nothing! Pray! Inhale. Exhale.
Put one foot in front of the other and what God has promised will come to pass!
(c)copyright 2010 danni
Forgiveness
It is as though it were tossed to the wind...
Never to show it's ugly face again
Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. James 5:16
Have you ever regretted something you have done? Have you ever wished you could take back a word you said or a love lost? Sometimes you can and sometimes you just can't! But, any time, you can ask God to forgive you. He is right there, ready and willing to forgive you.
I have one such friend. It was someone I loved very much and I hurt that friend, I know I did. That was close to thirty years ago. I don't know where this person is and my contact with him has been broken. I can't call him up and say, "Hey, I am so sorry, please forgive me"! And even if I could my friend may not want to forgive me. And that decision is between he and God. But, I can get on my knee's and put my own regrets before God. I can ask forgiveness. This is not something to be taken lightly. God knows my heart, He knows that if I could do it over again I would. I would do things different.
True forgiveness comes from your own heart. If you are truly sorry for something you have done, go ask God to forgive you. Place that hurt at the foot of the cross and let it go. That doesn't mean it's like it never happened. It means you have been forgiven.
We learn from our mistakes and try our best not to make them again. So to my friend, somewhere out there on the roads of life. I am truly sorry I hurt you. I pray that God heals your heart and if you are still angry at me, well, that's ok. I really don't blame you. I know God has forgiven me. And if it's any consulation. I learned from it!
(c)copyright 2010 danni
Never to show it's ugly face again
Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. James 5:16
Have you ever regretted something you have done? Have you ever wished you could take back a word you said or a love lost? Sometimes you can and sometimes you just can't! But, any time, you can ask God to forgive you. He is right there, ready and willing to forgive you.
I have one such friend. It was someone I loved very much and I hurt that friend, I know I did. That was close to thirty years ago. I don't know where this person is and my contact with him has been broken. I can't call him up and say, "Hey, I am so sorry, please forgive me"! And even if I could my friend may not want to forgive me. And that decision is between he and God. But, I can get on my knee's and put my own regrets before God. I can ask forgiveness. This is not something to be taken lightly. God knows my heart, He knows that if I could do it over again I would. I would do things different.
True forgiveness comes from your own heart. If you are truly sorry for something you have done, go ask God to forgive you. Place that hurt at the foot of the cross and let it go. That doesn't mean it's like it never happened. It means you have been forgiven.
We learn from our mistakes and try our best not to make them again. So to my friend, somewhere out there on the roads of life. I am truly sorry I hurt you. I pray that God heals your heart and if you are still angry at me, well, that's ok. I really don't blame you. I know God has forgiven me. And if it's any consulation. I learned from it!
(c)copyright 2010 danni
Friday, March 5, 2010
When I finally stop struggling
When I finally stop struggling and let God be God!
It will come to pass that before they call, I will answer, and while they are speaking, I will hear. Isaiah 65:24
One of the things that drives me crazy the most is trying to figure out what God is going to do next. Now, I know that is not possible and my sane mind, understands that. Yet, a part of me still tries to figure out what God's next move is going to be. Kind of like trying to play chess with the grand master when I barely remember the moves.
I can see God sitting up there on the thrown smiling ruefully and shaking his head as he watches me try to analyze a situation and try to second-guess what He is doing. He is shaking his head and thinking to himself. "Danni, when you quit struggling, I am going to show you"!
God knows I am anal and He also knows I am a planner and a fixer. He made me that way! But, that doesn't mean I have a few lessons I need to learn on being GOD's planner, fixer and anal person! And letting God ultimately be in control!
I like order in my life. I like to try to keep things where I know where everything is and I know what is best. But, sometimes I just don't know and I have to let God handle things. I have to stop grabbing it all back and trying to fix it on my own. Until that day comes when God, in all of His sovereign glory, chooses to let me in on the secret I am just going to have to sit down, shut up, work on my patience....still! And just let God be God and manage and control what He has already given me to control.
I may not like it, but it is what is best for me.
(c)copyright 2010 danni
It will come to pass that before they call, I will answer, and while they are speaking, I will hear. Isaiah 65:24
One of the things that drives me crazy the most is trying to figure out what God is going to do next. Now, I know that is not possible and my sane mind, understands that. Yet, a part of me still tries to figure out what God's next move is going to be. Kind of like trying to play chess with the grand master when I barely remember the moves.
I can see God sitting up there on the thrown smiling ruefully and shaking his head as he watches me try to analyze a situation and try to second-guess what He is doing. He is shaking his head and thinking to himself. "Danni, when you quit struggling, I am going to show you"!
God knows I am anal and He also knows I am a planner and a fixer. He made me that way! But, that doesn't mean I have a few lessons I need to learn on being GOD's planner, fixer and anal person! And letting God ultimately be in control!
I like order in my life. I like to try to keep things where I know where everything is and I know what is best. But, sometimes I just don't know and I have to let God handle things. I have to stop grabbing it all back and trying to fix it on my own. Until that day comes when God, in all of His sovereign glory, chooses to let me in on the secret I am just going to have to sit down, shut up, work on my patience....still! And just let God be God and manage and control what He has already given me to control.
I may not like it, but it is what is best for me.
(c)copyright 2010 danni
Monday, January 25, 2010
Life is very interesting sometimes and I really don't know how to take it. I am a very literal person and I don't beat around the bush well and I don't take hints very well either. I don't drop them very well either and I just simply try to say whats on my mind. If I can't just blurt it out and say it, then I don't say anything at all. I have a real dilemna right now and I don't know what to say, so I don't say anything at all. Yet at the same time, I just don't know what else to say so I say nothing. But, i am afraind life will pass me by if I don't speak up!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
