The Wall!

You know what its like to hit the wall. Where you reach a point that you really can't take anymore and even banging your head against the wall requires too much effort! That was today!

The morning wasn't too bad, but then I looked at my appointment schedule for therapy and realized that I was supposed to be at an appointment today at 2:00 pm. I looked at the clock! It was 2:01! So, I called therapy and told them what had happened and they said ok, but you have a physical therapy appointment at 3:30 can you make that. I said sure! So I hurried around, got dressed, gathered up the kids and called my Mom because its not a good idea to leave a six year old and a 14 year old together in a waiting room. Especially when they bicker.

Mom agreed to keep the kids at her house while I went to the appointment and out the door we went. Partway across the top of Crouch Mesa I heard the tell tail thump thump thump. The tire was flat. I pulled off the road and my son and I started getting the tire out of the trunk. Mind you I have a bunch of junk in my car and I had to get it out first! My son started pumping up the jack and I called my Mom, and the therapist. I finished on the phone and stood on the side of the highway trying to make sure these idiots didn't hit my son. I should make a call to Dawn Truckings water hawlers department, but I won't.

My son finished the tire and I called my Mom to see where she was and we made a plan to meet at the gas station. I called therapy and I basically had five minutes to make a twelve minute drive and it just wasn't going to work and I had to cancel that appointment too. By then I really needed to see my therapists smiling face. He helps me get in a good mood.

I checked with my daughter to see what time she got off. I was going to go and get another tire but realized that if my son was going to get anything to eat before I gave him back to his Father, we had better go now. We got to the restaurant and ordered. They brought us our drinks and my granddaughter promptly spilled hers on me. Long story short we got our food and ate dinner on time. When I got the check I realized that it was much more than I had anticipated. I had ordered a trio appetizer and she had brought me regular sizes, one of each. She had missed it in the translation somewhere. I have such a hard time talking!

This illness that they are still trying to diagnose has messed up my mouth and it is very hard for me to talk. I talk like I have cotton balls around my tongue. Instead of reading it back to me she was in a hurry and didn't! She went and got the manager because she couldn't get what I was saying. Or trying to say. My speach is not that bad that I can't be understood. I can. It is just hard, you have to work at it, and so do I. The manager and I figured things out and she adjusted my ticket to reflect what I had originally ordered.

By that time I was in tears. I haven't cried in ten years probably except when my friend Mark and my Dad died! I just don't cry. But, I have cried more in the last month to make up. It is heart wrenching to me to be in this position. To struggle to speak and to worry about falling all the time, my eyes, it's all such a struggle that I'm having a hard time of it. The fear of ending up like my step dad in a nursing home and no one comes to see me. The positive of all this is that we didn't get hit while out on that highway changing a time. I thank God for that! I am sure that someday I will understand this better, but right now I don't I'm upset, I'm angry and I really, really scared.

Danni