What do you do????

So, what do you do when the doctor calls you and says. "You need to have this test done, the hospital wanted to wait until the 22nd, but I convinced them that it needed to be done right away!" It kind of freaked me out! Instead of the 22nd, I did a bone scan at 11:00 am this morning.

So what are they looking for? He told me that I have osteoporosis. OK, I told him, "doc, I'm only 44 years old, that can't be!" But, when you take the kinds of medications that I take, I guess that things can happen. So, they did this test. The doctor also had told me that he had found a couple of dark spots on/in my bones. Oh great, what does that mean. It means that they suspect something and they are going looking for it. It means they pulled out the big guns! So, I went home and googled it. What else do you do these days? You don't ask questions anymore, you type your question in to google, and wahlah! You get an answer. I don't like the answer.

Of course I won't know until the doc looks things over and calls me. I won't even try to speculate, even though I have my suspicions why they did this expensive test. When I googled "dark spots bone xrays"! It came up with one basic reason for dark spots and the same reason for doing a bone xray. That reason is cancer of or in the bone. I think I am praying for Multiple sclerosis right now. I might prefer that diagnosis.

I don't know what to think and I don't know what to say. I am 44 years old. I have small grandchildren and a child who just entered high school. I have a family!!! I am not ready for this!

Did I ever tell you about my Mom? She got pancreatic cancer when she was about 62. She had two surgeries, stayed in the hospital over 45 days and nearly died several times. I am so thankful every day that she made it. Of course none of us lives on this planet forever. But, somehow cancer at 44 just goes against my grain. Hey, cancer at any age goes against me! I had about resigned myself to this being multiple sclerosis. But the tiredness, no energy, etc. etc. could be attributed to why they did this bone scan this afternoon.

God is bigger, and he will never let me down. I keep telling myself this is part of my imagination and soon I will wake up and it will be over, and I will be fine. That I will be able to walk that 5k that I wanted to do. God help me! And I know that he will. It is just one of those things that need to be cried over. Even the suggestion of it. So cry with me. It looks like I need to get my power of attorney and will done, and I also need to write that book!! Thanks for reading! D