Deck the %$#@! Halls!

OKOK, I'm not a total screwge, well maybe!

Christmas is a really hard time of year for me. My children are married, except the younger one! They have their own lives and it's just pretty hard for me to get into the whole thing. The last time that the kids were all home was about six years ago. I had five Christmas tress in the house! Garland all around the living room and over 1000 of those little Christmas lights! It was beautiful!

Today, I am struggling to put up my tree. It is a small tree. I plan to put a bunch of lights on it and some small ornaments. Shrug! I am having a hard time caring. Since no one will probably read this blog, I can be totally honest here! Hey, I need to be totally honesty anyway!

Since I have been sick things that need to happen just haven't! I care, I really do care! I want my energy back.

I went to have an MRI done last night. Twenty minutes of lying totally still with my eyes closed. Mind you I am clastrophobic! Here I am singing to myself trying to keep from literally freaking out! YIKES! Well, I won't know the answers til' possibily January. That freaks me out too. I just want this thing done! Finished! Etc.!

OK, this is me. Really me! My totally honest feelings. I am scared of the possibilities. I am afraid of being in pain the rest of my life! And, I am afraid that this might be tumors, worse yet I am afraid it might be multiple sclerosis. OK, there, I said it!

My step dad has MS. He and I are pretty close and I usually go see him on a pretty regular basis. But, since I found out about the possibilities here with my own illness, I can barely go see him. I can't look at him. His illness never bothered me. I took it in stride. But, now, I guess I see myself!

So, deck the %$#@! Halls!

Good night!

Danni