The Read and the Well Read

My son and I went to the mall today. He wanted to turn in some video games and get some new ones. I just wanted to eat. I don't normally go dutch treat with my son, but today was one of those days. After he was done at the video game store we went to the bookstore for a minute. On the way out we stopped to talk to the store manager. My middle daughter and the store manager are cousins. We stopped and talked for a little while. He told us what books he had been reading lately. It kind of surprised me that he reads as much as he does, since he is amongst books as much as he is. On the way out I got to thinking. Maybe I should ask this man if he would read my book in progress, and see what he thinks? Hmmmmm!

I am sure that what he reads is a little different from what I write. I know this guy, I've known him for a long time. But, I can say that I don't know him WELL! But still. A manager of a bookstore cannot possibly read every book in his store unless it is in his genre. My books are probably not in his genre.

But, I still think I might drop by the bookstore and just pick his brain a little bit. He would definitely know what sells too. Yet, I take this to yet one more level and I really begin to think about my work. My writing. One of the things that bothers me the worst about getting sick is that I have such a hard time talking. I sound like I have peanut butter or something in my mouth and I am trying to work around it. But, I can still type! Even though I feel like I have wasted so much time!

I am determined not to let this illness, disease, whatever it is that you want to call it. I am not. NOTE, I am NOT going to let it get me down. I have to admit that the word suicide has crept into my mind more than once over the last nine weeks. The pain is excruciating and now my mouth. My voice! It has let me down! I have done a little bit of public speaking and I really liked it. If this is the only mode of "speaking" that I have left I intend to use it as much as I can, while I can. I am praying for the best and preparing for the worst.

With my hands bothering me the way they are I don't know how much longer I can type. This morning I was making breakfast for my youngest son and I had gotten a small bowl out of the cupboard to make honey butter for our pancakes. My hand could not hold onto it's grip and the bowl slid from my hands and hit the floor. I was cursing and crying all at the same time because I knew what had happened. Little electric shocks went through my hands all morning and are still going on tonight and I lost my grip, there is nothing I can do about it. Later in the afternoon I picked up a ziplock bag of change that I had been saving so that I could get a few groceries and the same thing happened. The ziplock bag slipped from my hands and hit the floor.

With things like this going on. I need to get the books written that I want to write. I pray that something can be done for me. But, the words Multiple Sclerosis loom over my head and for the first time in years I am able to cry. Not just cry, but sob. I am so emotional. Take your adversities and use them. You never know how much time you might have left. You may not die, but your mouth may be closed and your hands silenced forever. And for a writer, that is a death sentence in itself!

Whatever it is that you have set goals for yourself to do. DO THEM! Don't wait! An accident may snuf your life out in an instant. Your health may take a serious turn for the worse. You never know what the future brings. Never ASSUME you will be here ten minutes from now. If you need to say I love you. Say it! If there is something you want to do. DO IT! Be in your kids lives. They won't remember the big fancy house the most. They will remember YOU!

And your spouse? Well, the spouse may get 1/2 of that big fancy house in the divorce proceedings, and when there is a divorce no one wins. There is never enough to go around then. So, protect your marriage as tho your very life depends on it. Because it does! Protect your health because your children are relying on you to be there. Protect your health because you can't take it back when it is ruined! It's done!

Danni